In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!"

    The Russian Government raised excise duty on vodka.
A son asks his father joyfully,
"Dad, now you’ll drink less, right?"
"No son. Now you’ll eat less."

    Two fishermen woke up after a heavy hangover. With effort they opened their eyes and could not believe what they saw. The meadow had been plowed and the fishing nets - cast on the shore.
“Do you see, drunken head, where did you throw the nets last night!” the first fisherman yelled.
“Who was drunk, man! Where you were rowing, there I cast the nets!"

    Late at night. Drunken man goes home with a lipstick and rouge on his face, disheveled. His wife frantic screams on the threshold,
"What kind of makeup do you wear on the face? You scoundrel!"
"You would not believe me!"
"Believe? What?"
"I fought with one clown!"